Say what you want about wiping your butt-crack with paper after squatting on a porcelain toilet bowl as Sir John Harrington intended; our Eastern friends have a much more efficient and hygienic setup. Water washes away all manner of sins.
On the electric taxi ride from Bangkok airport, we whizzed past a street that looked like it could get quite festive afterhours. It also clicked in my mush-brain that it was Friday! A quick decompress, anti-stress poop with a bum gun, and a shower, should pep me up enough for a stroll.
It was only 3pm, but where were all those bars and outside areas we passed in the taxi? I could have sworn they were right around the corner, but it looked like this would mean hitting a bit of highway. So I decided to stroll to the starting edge in each direction, which encompassed street food vendors, a Seven Eleven, and one massage outlet. I’m desperate for one of those, but probably would have passed out within seconds forgetting that the whole experience ever happened.
It was now my fourth time patrolling the same street like a lunatic, with a smile that has seen some trauma. I needed a beer. I entered the Seven Eleven and picked three cans for tasting. This was met with waving arms at the till. Translator apps were open to interpret what “wavey arms” meant. Turns out that they can’t sell booze before 5pm. It was 4:30pm, so kudos to them for sticking to policy.
I decided to wait it out with a gastro taste of Thailand. Used my app with a man who seemed popular with the locals. “Hello! I’m a stupid foreigner and this is my first time. May I please try something with noodles?” He vocally replied in quite good English, and I tried his pork noodle soup. It looked very grey and boiled, but was rather tasty. I think I’ll stick with small portions when it comes to street food. It was now after 5pm and I got my 3 cans of beer. The staff laughed, surely saying like, “Looks like that stupid foreigner is back!”
I decided not to try find that party street around some mystical corner in my sleep-deprived state. A good night’s rest was in order as well as another go with the bum gun. The 5-hour time difference was confusing my circadian cycles. Next stop, Chiang Mai!
Next: Thailand #4 – Massage Time!
Previously: Thailand #2 – The Abandoned Bag
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